Rockcliffe or Red Brook?

The Downhomer editorial board occasionally obtains unpaid leave for the purpose of personal treks to well known vacation areas. Such was the case for this scribe in August when the personnel office at Downhomer World Headquarters mandated a trip for personal and editorial enlightenment. The destination was the Port au Port Peninsula where oil fields threaten to break out in a nasty rash of prosperity. This caused some concern at Headquarters since the possibility of wealth in this "Homeland Region" threatens to upset the tidy calculations of our dear friends at Statistics Canada.

The worthy number-crunchers and pensionable people at the federal agency have identified the community of Port au Port as having the second lowest median family income of any and all incorporated towns in the country. Only Bell Island prevented my relatives and friends from bringing up the rear for the whole nation. Any hope of catching the top town , Rockcliffe, Ontario, is futile unless we can persuade Brian Tobin to move the wealthy civil servants of this Ottawa suburb to the more civilized climes of Port au Port Bay. The possibility of Rockcliffe moving in on Felix Cove and Boswarlos is a cause of great concern to this editorialist.

After reviewing the standard directions given to me by Headquarters with respect to Newfoundland travel and information gathering I resolved to strike a blow for the preservation of Port au Port as we know it. Thus my advice rendered to the citizens of the Peninsula is to immediately commit to paying large sums of money by way of oil royalties, and taxes of disgusting width and breadth. All this must be directed to Ottawa with the express stipulation that in grateful return, the federal cabinet undertakes to ensure that Rockcliffe and all that it represents stay as far away from Port au Port as possible. Only after a lengthy and exhaustive environmental impact study would Port au Port ever be threatened with such contamination.

Perhaps Statistics Canada might consider a split in next years assessment of income to yield a special "bureaucracy free" category. May these old and proud mining towns of Port au Port and Bell Island rise again to wealthy membership in that new club.

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